Change is hard. It's not necessarily what you're changing that may be difficult, but the act of willfully doing something different that is. Today, changing my wardrobe from the usual jeans and a polo to flat-front slacks, button down shirt and vest was hard.
When I first put on my new threads I had my dress shirt, a silver tone vest with grey patterned pants and a dark magenta bow tie and pocket square. I looked in the mirror and felt wrong. I sensed phantom ridicule, I felt like a penguin wearing fins and a snorkel. I felt wrong. What I was wearing didn't fit into the mental image of how I wanted to look. Now that's not to say I didn't look good. Everything felt right about the outfit I just didn't feel right in it.
A swap and a few removed articles made me feel better. Of course this wasn't my idea. No, no. I cant take credit because it was my wife who told me to try and ease into it. To take it a couple of changes at a time. So I did.
When I left the house I felt a bit more confident in how I looked and in myself. I told myself that this was just a start and that if I took it a day at a time, a piece or two at a time I'd continue to find that comfort, that it would still be change and it would still be good.
I arrived at work and apparently my self-pep talk was working because I received quite a few complements on how I was dressed. I'd like to hope it was confidence pushing the outfit and not the clothes alone. What amused me though was people were complementing my hat first, then noticing I was far better dressed than usual thereafter. Flat cap:1 Suit: 0
I'm really hoping to keep this confidence momentum going. That isn't easy for me to say. Nor is it going to be easy for me to do. Underneath the flat cap and behind the brown eyes is just a little kid who never grew up and fears rejection just like anyone else.
I'll post a picture of my day one outfit later this week.
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